And I may be leavin myself open...

There is an Old 97s song called Murder or a Heart Attack. Don't be put off by the song title, the lyrics are amazing. Particularly this part:

"And I may be leavin' myself open 

To a murder or a heart attack 

But I'm leavin' the back door open 

'Til you come back, 'til you come back 

And I may be movin' myself closer 

To a real untimely end 

But I'm leavin' the back door open 

'Til you come home again, 'til you come home again 

And I told 

The neighbors, I put pictures up 

And handed out some flyers at the show 

And the whole town speculating 

Situation could've been 

Avoided if I'd only shut the window"

The song is about love or a lost cat but I think that it applies to this adoption process as well. 

Brian and I have been plugging away at attending the classes that the CD division requires for adoption from Foster Care. In the classes, they talk about scenarios and ask how we will handle them. i.e You get a call from school that your child has crapped his pants and then smeared it all the hallway walls. How will you handle it? Or your 4 year old daughter calls her Grandmother a fucking bitch when she asks her to put on her shoes. What is the correct response? 

My opinion is that they are trying to give real but worse case scenarios to see if anyone will blink and say "Nope. I do not want to do this" but maybe I am just in denial. Friends, acquaintances and family members ask if we are sure that we want to get "into this kind of thing." They have all heard stories about the crap that goes down. I KNOW people that have tried to adopt from Foster Care and it has not been a positive experience. 

P is an incredible kid. We have a pretty damn good life. So what the hell are we doing?

How can I explain...my heart, my head, my soul wants to me to go down this path. I recognize the possible danger that could be ahead but I have chosen to do it anyway. It could be the worse decision I have ever made. However, it could be the best as well!